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james a., jr. traficant Quotes
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James A., Jr. Traficant Quotes
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- Many of them are so dumb they could throw themselves at the ground and miss.
- Beam me up!
- Now NASA is on an unmanned space mission to the moon. I think NASA should redirect and have an unmanned space mission to Washington, DC, and try to find out if there is any intelligent life left in the Nation's Capital.
- I think Congress should take the IRS, handcuff them to a chain-link fence, and flog them with their own damn Tax Code.
- I want you to disregard all the opposing counsel has said. I think they're delusionary. I think they've had something funny for lunch in their meal, I think they should be handcuffed, chained to a fence and flogged, and all of their hearsay evidence should be thrown the hell out. And if they lie again, I'm going to go over there and kick them in the crotch. Thank you very much.
- I will take with me a file, a chisel, a knife, I will try and get some major explosives, try to fight my way out.
- Am I different? Yeah. Deep down, you know you want to wear wider bottoms; you're just not secure enough [:] Do I do my hair with a Weed Whacker? I admit.
- I wanted to have Playboy bunnies come on at night to meet with me. I wanted to be promiscuous with them.
- I will break out of prison and I'll make a neck tie out of some these bureaucrats.
- And Janet Reno, if I do not go to jail, I will be in Orlando August 15 and you are not going to be elected to any damn thing. Nobody should fear our Government.
- Madam Speaker, an investigation revealed that 16,000 IRS employees illegally used their computers. The report states IRS agents spent 50 percent of their time at work on personal business. If that is not enough to service your revenue, IRS agents illegally used their computers for shopping, stock trading, gambling and pornography. Unbelievable. Think about it. While 60 percent of taxpayer calls to the IRS go unanswered, the IRS agents were watching Marilyn Chambers do the Rotary International. Beam me up here. It is time to pass a flat 15 percent sales tax and abolish this gambling, porno-watching IRS completely. I yield back the internal rectal service of the United States of America.
- Mr. Speaker, the State Department now admits that China and Cuba have signed a military agreement, and China is shipping weapons into Cuba. But the State Department said, and I quote, 'we are not sure if those weapons are lethal'. Unbelievable. Every American knows those are not 4th of July fireworks that China is shipping to Cuba, Mr. Speaker. Think about it. China is now selling weapons to Cuba. Castro hates America. Cuba is 90 miles away from America. Beam me up. What is next? A Chinese missile 90 miles away from the United States of America. I yield back the next bay of dragons in America's history.
- Mr. Speaker, the endangered sucker fish is living up to its reputation, sucking the livelihood from 1,400 farmers in Oregon. That is right. This protected bottom feeder now has more rights than farmers out there. If that is not enough to fry your mackerel, this region has now been without irrigated water since April, turning 200,000 acres of farmland into near desert. Beam me up. Stop this sucker fish crusade. Free these farmers. I yield back the fact that this sucker fish sucks.
- Mr. Speaker, baseball will eliminate two teams. Some surprise. Tickets average 50 bucks. A program is $10; popcorn, $5; parking, $20. A hot dog and a beer cost about $10 to $12 at most stadiums. Beam me up. The umpire said, 'Play ball', not 'monopoly'. When a family of four needs a second mortgage to go see a baseball game in America, it does not take Dr. Ruth to explain to major league baseball what has gone wrong. I yield back what is left of America's great pastime after the greatest World Series perhaps in our history.
- Mr. Speaker, the school prayer issue is out of control, literally. Students in Pennsylvania were prohibited from handing out Christmas cards. Reports say students in Minnesota were disciplined for having said merry Christmas. Now if that is not enough to find coal in your athletic supporter, check this out: A school board in Georgia removed the word 'Christmas' from their school calendar because the ACLU threatened to sue. Beam me up. If this is religious freedom, I am a fashion model for GQ. Mr. Speaker, I yield back the fact that Christmas is not about a jolly old fat man. Christmas is about the birth of Christ.
- Mr. Speaker, reports say that China is two-timing Uncle Sam big time. With one hand China slaps Uncle Sam on the back and wishes us well in Afghanistan. With the other hand China sells missiles and weapons to Iran and Iraq and continues to funnel support under the table to the Taliban. Bottom line, China continues to aid and abet our enemies. Beam me up. I yield back the fact that the Taliban are a fly on our face, but China is a dragon eating our assets. Think about that.
james a., jr. traficant
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