78 Kin Hubbard Quotes

Kin Hubbard quotes

1. We'd all like t'vote fer th'best man, but he's never a candidate.

2. Nine-tenths of our crimes an' calamities are made possible by th' automobile. It has unleashed all th' pent-up criminal tendencies o' th' ages. It's th' central figure in murders, hold-ups, burglaries, accidents, elopements, failures an' abscondments. It has well nigh jimmed th' American home.... No girl is missin' that wuzn' last seen steppin' in a strange automobile.... An' ther hain't a day rolls by that somebuddy hain't sellin' ther sewin' machine, or ther home, or somethin' t' pay on an automobile.... Maybe th' jails an' workhouses are empty, but that's not because th' world is gittin' better. It's because all th' criminals escape in automobiles.

3. A bee is never as busy as it seems; it's just that it can't buzz any slower.

4. A good listener is usually thinking about something else.

5. A loafer always has the correct time.

6. About the only thing we have left that actually discriminates in favor of the plain people is the stork.

7. All the world loves a good loser.

8. An optimist is a fellow who believes what's going to be will be postponed.

9. Bargain... anything a customer thinks a store is losing money on.

10. Beauty is only skin deep, but it's a valuable asset if you're poor or haven't any sense.

    Attribution disputed; shown as originally published.

11. Being an optimist after you've got everything you want doesn't count.

12. Boys will be boys, and so will a lot of middle-aged men.

13. Classical music is the kind we keep thinking will turn into a tune.

14. Don't knock the weather; nine-tenths of the people couldn't start a conversation if it didn't change once in a while.

15. Every once in a while someone without a single bad habit gets caught.

16. Flattery won't hurt you if you don't swallow it.

17. Getting talked about is one of the penalties for being pretty, while being above suspicion is about the only compensation for being homely.

18. If some people didn't tell you, you'd never know they'd been away on a vacation.

19. If there's anything a public servant hates to do it's something for the public.

20. If you haven't seen your wife smile at a traffic cop, you haven't seen her smile her prettiest.

21. It ain't a bad plan to keep still occasionally even when you know what you're talking about.

22. It is pretty hard to tell what does bring happiness; poverty and wealth have both failed.

23. It isn't enough for you to love money- it's also necessary that money should love you.

24. It's going to be fun to watch and see how long the meek can keep the earth after they inherit it.

25. It's no disgrace to be poor, but it might as well be.

26. It's pretty hard to be efficient without being obnoxious.

    Attribution disputed; shown as originally published.

27. It's the good loser who finally loses out.

28. Kindness goes a long ways lots of times when it ought to stay at home.

29. Laugh and the world laughs with you. Weep an' it keeps on laughin'.

30. Live so that you can at least get the benefit of the doubt.

31. Lots of folks confuse bad management with destiny.

32. Men are not punished for their for sins, but by them.

33. No one can feel as helpless as the owner of a sick goldfish.

34. No woman can be handsome by the force of features alone, any more that she can be witty by only the help of speech.

35. Nobody can be as agreeable as an uninvited guest.

36. Nobody ever forgets where he buried the hatchet.

37. Nobody ever grew despondent looking for trouble.

38. Nobody kicks on being interrupted if it's by applause.

39. Nothing is as irritating as the fellow who chats pleasantly while he's overcharging you.

40. Now and then an innocent man is sent to the legislature.

41. Some fellows get credit for being conservative when they are only stupid.

42. Some fellows pay a compliment like they expected a receipt.

43. Some folks can look so busy doing nothing that they seem indispensable.

44. The fellow that agrees with everything you say is either a fool or he is getting ready to skin you.

45. The fellow that owns his own home is always just coming out of a hardware store.

46. The hardest thing is to take less when you can get more.

47. The height of ability consists in a thorough knowledge of the real value of things, and of the genius of the age in which we live.

48. The only way to entertain some folks is to listen to them.

49. The safest way to double your money is to fold it over once and put it in your pocket.

50. The world gets better every day- then worse again in the evening.

51. There is no failure except in no longer trying. There is no defeat except from within, no really insurmountable barrier save our own inherent weakness of purpose.

52. There's no secret about success. Did you ever know a successful man who didn't tell you about it?

53. Universal peace sounds ridiculous to the head of an average family.

54. We become actors without realizing it, and actors without wanting to.

    Attribution disputed; shown as originally published.

55. When a fellow says, 'It ain't the money but the principle of the thing,' it's the money.

56. Why doesn't the fellow who says 'I'm no speechmaker' let it go at that instead of giving a demonstration?

57. You won't skid if you stay in a rut.

58. Kin Hubbard is dead. To us folks that attempt to write a little humor his death is just like Edison's would be to the world of invention. No man in our generation was within a mile of him, and I am so glad that I didn't wait for him to go to send flowers. I have said it from the stage and in print for twenty years. Just think- only two lines a day, yet he expressed more original philosophy in 'em than all the rest of the paper combined. What a kick Twain and all that gang will get out of Kin.

1. The worst feature of a new baby is its mothers singing.

2. The worst feature of a new baby is its mother's singing.

3. Experience is a dear teacher but he delivers th' goods.

4. Everything comes to him who waits, except a loaned book.

5. Of all the unbearable nuisances, the ignoramus that has traveled is the worst.

6. The less a statesman amounts to, the more he loves the flag.

7. One of the commonest mistakes is thinking your worries are over when your children get married.

8. The reason the way of the transgressor is hard is because it's so crowded.

9. Whoever takes just plain ginger ale soon gets drowned out of the conversation.

10. There ought t'be some way t'eat celery so it wouldn't sound like you wuz steppin' on a basket.

11. Hon Editor Cale Fluhart was a power politically fer years, but he never got prominent enough t' have his speeches garbled.

12. A grouch escapes so many little annoyances that it almost pays to be one.

13. Listening is the only way to entertain some folks.

14. No matter how much strong black coffee we drink, almost any after- dinner speech will counteract it.

15. Intelligent people are always on the unpopular side of anything.

16. Nobuddy ever listened t' reason on a empty stomach.

17. Nobody works as hard for his money as the man who marries it.

18. The rich man and his daughter are soon parted.

19. The feller that brags about how cheap he heats his home always sees the first robin.

20. The longer it takes you to select a cantaloupe, the worse it is!