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artemus ward Quotes

Artemus Ward Quotes



    • I am not a politician, and my other habits are good, also.
    • The prevailin' weakness of most public men is to Slop over. G. Washington never slopt over.
    • I can't sing. As a singist I am not a success. I am saddest when I sing. So are those who hear me. They are sadder even than I am.
    • Did you ever have the measels, and if so, how many?
    • The Puritans nobly fled from a land of despotism to a land of freedim, where they could not only enjoy their own religion, but could prevent everybody else from enjoyin his.
    • Why is this thus? What is the reason of this thusness?
    • He is dreadfully married. 'He's the most married man I ever saw in my life.'
    • Let us all be happy and live within our means, even if we have to borrow the money to do it with.
    • The sun has a right to 'set' where it wants to, and so, I may add, has a hen.
    • They cherish his mem'ry, and them as sell picturs of his birthplace, etc., make it prof'tible cherishin' it.
    • I now bid you a welcome adoo.
    • ...their eyes sparkled like diminds, their cheeks was like roses, and they was charmin enuff to make a man throw stuns at his granmother, if they axed him to.
    • My pollertics, like my religion, being of an exceedin' accommodatin' character.
    • The fack can't be no longer disgised that a Krysis is onto us.
    • N.B. This is rote sarcastikul.
    • The female woman is one of the greatest institooshuns of which this land can boste.
    • I have given two cousins to war and I stand ready to sacrifice my wife's brother.
    • My wife is one of the best wimin on this Continent, altho' she isn't always gentle as a lamb with mint sauce.
    • The happy married man dies in good stile at home, surrounded by his weeping wife and children. The old bachelor don't die at all - he sort of rots away, like a pollywog's tail.
    • They drink with impunity, or anybody who invites them.
    • Why don't you show us a statesman who can rise up to the emergency, and cave in the emergency's head?
    • It ain't so much the things we don't know that get us into trouble, it's the things we do know that just ain't so.
    • artemus ward

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