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25 Jane Wagner Quotes

Jane Wagner shares plain-spoken reflections on success, regret and the harshness of reality.

Jane Wagner quotes

  1. Reality is nothing but a collective hunch.

    #1

    Attribution disputed; shown as originally published.

  2. Reality is the leading cause of stress amongst those in touch with it....

    #2

  3. Reality is a crutch for people who can't cope with drugs.

    #3

    Attribution disputed; shown as originally published.

  4. When you're dancing the mystical dance of the molecules, you're not the one who's leading.

    #4

  5. It's my belief we developed language because of our deep inner need to complain.

    #5

    Attribution disputed; shown as originally published.

  6. All my life, I've always wanted to be somebody, but I see now I should have been more specific.

    #6

  7. If I had known what it would be like to have it all... I might have been willing to settle for less.

    #7

    Attribution disputed; shown as originally published.

  8. Sometimes I feel like a figment of my own imagination.

    #8

    Attribution disputed; shown as originally published.

  9. No matter how cynical you become, it's never enough to keep up.

    #9

    Attribution disputed; shown as originally published.

  10. I bet the worst part about dying is the part where your whole life passes before you.

    #10

  11. Your problem is your role models were models.

    #11

  12. I swear people don't want sex so much as they want somebody who'll listen to 'em ... the first thing you learn after fellatio is how to listen.

    #12

  13. Remember we're all in this alone.

    #13

    Attribution disputed; shown as originally published.

  14. Don't be afraid of missing opportunities. Behind every failure is an opportunity somebody wishes they had missed.

    #14

    Attribution disputed; shown as originally published.

  15. For fast acting relief, try slowing down.

    #15

  16. If love is the answer, could you please rephrase the question?

    #16

    Attribution disputed; shown as originally published.

  17. If the formula for water is H2O, is the formula for an ice cube H2O squared?

    #17

  18. If truth is beauty, how come no one has their hair done in the library?

    #18

    Attribution disputed; shown as originally published.

  19. If you read a lot of books, you're considered well-read. But if you watch a lot of TV, you're not considered well-viewed.

    #19

  20. Sometimes I worry about being a success in a mediocre world.

    #20

    Attribution disputed; shown as originally published.

  21. The best mind-altering drug is truth.

    #21

  22. The trouble with the rat race is that even if you win, you're still a rat.

    #22

    Attribution disputed; shown as originally published.

  23. Why is it when we talk to God we're said to be praying - but when God talks to us, we're said to be schizophrenic?

    #23

  24. Interviewer: You once said you had a drug problem... Lily: Yeah, I still do. It's so hard to find good grass these days.

    #24

  25. Delusions of grandeur make me feel a lot better about myself.

    #25