Robert Byrne Quotes

Robert Byrne delivers blunt, humorous takes on parenting, finances, and personal habits.

27 quotes

1. One of the disadvantages of having children is that they eventually get old enough to give you presents they make at school.

2. Learning to dislike children at an early age saves a lot of expense and aggravation later in life.

3. Doing a thing well is often a waste of time.

4. Everything is in a state of flux, including the status quo.

5. Getting caught is the mother of invention.

6. In order to preserve your self-respect, it is sometimes necessary to lie and cheat.

7. Partying is such sweet sorrow.

8. There are two kinds of people, those who finish what they start and so on.

9. Until you walk a mile in another man's moccasins you can't imagine the smell.

10. There is money to be made giving trick-shot shows at schools, clubs, tournaments, and even shopping centers. Pool shows on television almost always include a few fancy shots.

11. Democracy is being allowed to vote for the candidate you dislike least.

12. Memorial Service: Farewell party for someone who already left.

13. The purpose of life is life with a purpose.

14. The purpose of life is a life of purpose.

15. If you know a good player who is tempted by pool hustling, introduce him at once to a career guidance counselor, a psychotherapist, or a surgeon who does lobotomies.

16. Once-dominant games like straight pool and three-cushion billiards have lost ground to eight-ball - the game of choice for millions of tavern league players - and nine-ball, the preeminent tournament game.

17. One reason people get divorced is that they run out of gift ideas.

18. A game is great, in my view, only if it can be played happily by a sane person of at least average intelligence for several hours a day for fifty years. Both pool and billiards qualify.

19. Anybody who believes that the way to a man's heart is through his stomach flunked geography.

20. It's easy to make a cue last a lifetime. Don't boil it or freeze it in the trunk of a car. Don't lean it against a wall for years. If you lose a game to a complete idiot, hit the edge of the table in anger with something other than your cue.

21. Petty thievery is a more profitable job than pool hustling, which it resembles, requires far less talent and training, and is equally devoid of promise.

22. Byrne's Law: In any electrical circuit, appliances and wiring will burn out to protect fuses.

23. A purpose or life is a life of purpose.

24. To apply spin with security, you must learn to make a snug bridge with your forefinger looped over the cue. When you hit the cueball, follow straight through; don't let your cue rise in the air after impact.

25. If the numbers keep mounting, newspapers will eventually have to admit that pool exists and give it some coverage.

26. Winter is nature's way of saying, 'Up yours.'

27. To err is human, to purr feline.