Quotes
 You just threw cheese at Sam & Mark. Don't you think they've suffered enough?!- Come on, people, it's fucking Christmas!
- From all of us here, whichever religion you are, remember, only one can be right, so...let's have a war! Happy Christmas!
- Penny Smith: Spitting... it would never happen on GMTV. Simon Amstell: Nothing happens on GMTV.
- Jordan's third favourite tit and second favourite twat - it's Peter Andre!
- Simon Amstell: So Penny, you used to do a fashion column for the Daily Mail, didn't you? Penny Smith: Yes I've done many strange things in my time. Simon Amstell: So what does one wear to a lynching?
- Donny Tourette: This is what I think of you. (fondles crotch) Simon Amstell: Really? You think me a, a small penis? Well I never.
- (about Preston walking out) If people start turning their backs on comedy, and walking off panel shows, then the terrorists have won.
- I like everything. You know everything? I like it. You know all books? I like them all.
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- (about Bonnie Tyler being slightly tipsy on Nevermind the Buzzcocks) 'Shall we pump her stomach? I don't know what to do!'
- If you have some problem in your life and you need to deal with it then use religion it's fine. I use Google.
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- 'Love music. Love racism.'
- Hello, 50 Cent here. People say my music is gratuitously violent and misogynistic - but what they don't realise is that I'm just talking about where I'm from. And where I'm from, everybody's a vile millionaire rapper and all woman are rubbish sluts.
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simon amstell
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