Kevin Smith Quotes
Kevin Smith offers irreverent humor about war, success and the absurdities of life.
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Sometimes the path you're on is not as important as the direction you're heading.
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Mr. Smith Goes To Hollywood : Jay is a creature of the Id, who has no filter as to what to say; he just says what's on his mind. So what's funny about the character is his lack of moral boundary. He says what he says without thinking of the repercussions, and I'm there to just roll my eyes.
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I really wanted to make a movie where the worst thing that could happen at the end of the day, was somebody would write on a web site that 'Kevin Smith sucks cock' and spell 'cock' wrong.
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...That's just how I see male relationships. Just one pleasantry shy of a cock in the mouth.
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In Hollywood, you just kind of fail upwards.
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God is a great concept, [but it] doesn't work
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There's a million fine looking women in the world, dude, but not all of them bring you lasagna at work. Most of them just cheat on you.
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What's up, baby? What's up, sluts?
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Yeah, Silent Bob, you're a rude motherfucker, you know that? But you're cute as hell. I could go down on you, suck you, line up three other guys and make like a circus seal. Ewww, you fuckin' faggot, I hate guys. I LOVE WOMEN!
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Come on, Berzerker, girl think sexy.
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That's not cheating. People say crazy shit during sex. One time, I called this girl Mom.
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Well, if we're so fucking advanced, then what are we doing working here?
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Making a male climax is not all that challenging: insert somewhere close and preferably moist; thrust; repeat.
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It's important to have a meaningful job boys, thats why I manually masturbat caged animals for artificial insemination
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What's your encore? Do you like anally rape my mother while pouring sugar in my gas tank?
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Fly Fatass! Fly!
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Silent Bob is an electrical genius. Back in the high school science fair, he turned his mom's vibrator into a cd player useing some chicken wire and shit. Motherfuckers like McGyver, NO motherfucker is better than McGyver!
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Do it Doug!!
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Action, excitement; Jedi crave not these things
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You gotta boil it down to the essentials. It's like Cube says, 'Life ain't nothing but bitches and money.'
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[to Holden] What do you look so shocked for, man? Fat bastard does this all the time. He thinks just 'cause he doesn't say anything, it'll have this huge impact when he does open his fuckin' mouth.
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Jesus Christ, why don't you shut up? You're always yap-yap-yappin' all the time. You're giving me a fucking headache.
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Bitch pressing charges? I get that a lot.
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No Ticket
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I feel like I'm Han Solo, and you're Chewie, and she's Ben Kenobi, and we're in that fucked-up bar.
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In this world gone mad, we will not spank the monkey, the monkey will spank US!
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Fifteen bucks little man, put that shit in my hand, if that money doesn't show, then you owe me owe me owe....My Jungle Love yeah owe owe owe. I think I want to know ya.
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The sign! On the back of the car! Said 'Critters of Hollywood'! You dumb fuck!
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I don't know what the fuck you just said, little man, but you touch a brother's heart
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What do you ever add to the fucking preceedings? You've got one answer for everything, 'Pussy, Man'.
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That guy's being awfully forward with that donkey.
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Fuck Pillowpants! Honk if you love or like pussy!
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Shit! Now where am I gonna bring chicks to fuck when my mom's home?
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Sir, I just think that's it's fucking brilliant that you somehow managed to tie Chuck Norris, Chewbacca the Wookie, and Jesus Christ together.
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Guy from audience: 'Your wife is your beard!'
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What happened to Riggs?!
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What's your name, new best friend?
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It's not like a passionate hobby of mine...
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There would always be a bunch of fucking grousers and nay-sayers being like 'that was uncalled for'
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Look at my dick
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Don't get me wrong, I love Schindler's List, but it's not like 'Hey man let's get loaded and watch Schindler's List.' - SModcast 4: Can I get a (Masturbatory) Witness
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That's fucked up, he's just sitting there eating...
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Look at him eat soup, that's fucked up...
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Americans tend to celebrate even the most mediocre or basic accomplishments... It's like weddings to me. Why is that a big deal?... Why do you have to have a big shin-dig were you're like 'look we're doing it' and everybody applauds and throws shit in your face. - SModcast 1: Fisting Flipper
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How lame do you have to be to spend your time like that on the Internet? Can't you do something more constructive, like surf for porn? Or go into the real world and interact with people rather than cyber-sniping.
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If I had any balls whatsoever, I'd make nothing but Jay and Silent Bob flicks for the rest of my life. However, being a critical whore, I've gotta move on and 'grow' beyond those characters.
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It's incredibly flattering, and really ironic. I grew up quoting Fletch and Raising Arizona, and now people quote the flicks I've done back to me. Weird, but nice.
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Long time no see. I only pray the caliber of your questions has improved.
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Now you've gotta spend two thousand bucks to stay at my house. And for five, I'll let you photograph my wife in the shower.
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On one hand I'll stand up there and think I'm a pretty good storyteller but it has everything to do with the audience. Invariably, I get people telling me that I should do stand-up. Stand-ups generate their own material, but I'm up there answering questions and they lob me softballs.
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Read the comics, which are probably far better than the film would be if I was involved. Otherwise, my version of Batman would be like him standing around talking for two weeks and not getting anything done. The Bat-A-Rang would never leave the utility belt. It would just be chatting.
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Sometimes the path you are on is not as important as the direction you are heading. For, no matter if you take the Holland Tunnel or the George Washington Bridge you get to New Jersey, so long as you are heading west. The procedure involved in your path to Nirvana may meander, but a road worth traveling will have its twists and turns.
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If a fat kid from the Jersey 'burbs could grow up to star opposite one of the biggest movie stars in the world in a summer blockbuster, then anything's possible.
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This is not an industry in which you curl up in a ball and shy away from the realities. It's a time to scream to the clouds that we're here and we've got great values and great prices. What better time to do that than the Super Bowl?
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I grew up in a pretty gay world - my brother's gay and he's been married to a man for 20 years, which is like 60 in straight-people years.
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There was never any down side to casting friends over professionals. It was always fun seeing folks who never performed before stretching their wings.
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I know what it feels like to carry a lot of weight in a society that's very image-conscious. It's a thin person's world, and we try to navigate within it without being made fun of.
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Stop…stop, that’s the next generation of fans… How dare you pass judgment on those 12-year-old girls who like vampires! They need to be encouraged because in six years they’ll be 18-year-old girls who like vampires and are into all sorts of goth-permissive and whatnot. Don’t Poo-poo it. There’s a plan, and it’s working.
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Any book is a self-help guide if you can take something from it.
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In anything I've ever written, all the characters sound like me, which I don't think is a bad thing. It makes sense. But I had always admired filmmakers who made movies that didn't sound like them at all.
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If you grow up fat, you have to try harder.
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Other filmmakers make their movies and put them out and that's that. For me, for some odd reason, it goes deeper than that.
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So I know how I watch movies which is on my laptop, man. And that's how I suspect a lot of people do it.
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It's too expensive, that's the thing nobody wants to talk about. It is too expensive to make movies. That's not true, it is too expensive to market movies. Making movies is not.
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Based on the timely and helpful responses to my support issues, I feel that I made the right decision to become a customer earlier this year. LuxSci is definitely a quality, customer-oriented business.
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My job is to say, 'This is how I see the world. Do you agree?'
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Don't be afraid to do weird stuff, so long as you do it cheaply and cover everyone's bets. Be bold. Be stupid, if you have to: so long as you don't hurt anybody, what's it matter how dopey your dream is? If I hadn't made TUSK? If I'd let it die as a podcast? I wouldn't have three other movies I'm now making within the span of a year. Some folks will try to shame you for trying something outside the norm; the only shame is in not trying to accomplish your dreams.
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People wanted more advice. So I finally thought I could totally put this advice into a book.
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We love dirty oral on the Down Low, but no going steady.
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I saw Richard Linklater's film 'Slacker' for my twenty-first birthday. That was the moment when it all seemed possible. This guy gave me hope.
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Remember: It costs nothing to encourage an artist, and the potential benefits are staggering. A pat on the back to an artist now could one day result in your favorite film, or the cartoon you love to get stoned watching, or the song that saves your life. Discourage an artist, you get absolutely nothing in return, ever.
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It's kind of debatable whether or not the advertisement model is effective. Like whether Nielsen works. For years, Nielsen has been based on sampling. It's not like an electronic bullet that hits your house that tells the people at networks at all times what you're watching.
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You know, comics and movies, even if you take a comic and turn it into a movie, we can't all be Joss Whedon.