Carol Burnett Quotes

Carol Burnett delivers witty, down-to-earth jokes about life, ambition and humor that make you grin.

36 quotes

1. Adolescence is just one big walking pimple.

2. Celebrity was a long time in coming; it will go away. Everything goes away.

3. Comedy is tragedy plus time.

4. Giving birth is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head.

5. I don't have false teeth. Do you think I'd buy teeth like these?

6. I have always grown from my problems and challenges, from the things that don't work out, that's when I've really learned.

7. I liked myself better when I wasn't me.

8. This is to explain just how your mom turned out to be the kind of hairpin she is.

9. We didn't exactly starve, but we were pretty poor when I was growing up. I remember thinking, Oh gosh, if I could just make thirty dollars a month to help with the rent, that would be fabulous. So perhaps I envied performers when I heard that Bing Crosby made twenty dollars a minute.

10. When you have a dream, you've got to grab it and never let go.

11. Words, once they are printed, have a life of their own.

12. Short biography at Famous Texans web page

13. I liked myself better when I wasnt me.

14. When I went to New York to try and make it, I never thought it wouldn't happen.

15. Because of YouTube, I'm getting fan mail from 10-year-olds and teenagers and college kids.

16. My grandmother and I would go see movies, and we'd come back to the apartment - we had a one-room apartment in Hollywood - and I would kind of lock myself in this little dressing room area with a cracked mirror on the door and act out what I had just seen.

17. My childhood was rough, we were poor and my parents were alcoholics, but nobody was mean. I knew I was loved. We were on welfare, but I never felt abandoned or unloved.

18. I'm glad I was born when I was. My time was the golden age of variety. If I were starting out again now, maybe things would happen for me, but it certainly would not be on a variety show with 28 musicians, 12 dancers, two major guest stars, 50 costumes a week by Bob Mackie. The networks just wouldn't spend the money today.

19. If you see a kid in school, who is a little shy ... that's when you should reach out. When you do, you are going to open up a flower and discover something wonderful.

20. You know, one wonderful thing that came out of my Enquirer experience is that, in my case, it was ruled tabloids are magazines. Which means they didn't have the protection that a newspaper has.

21. Daddy, when he drank, just became sweeter. There wasn't a mean thought in his body. I've always said he was like a drunk Jimmy Stewart.

22. I always preferred working with somebody so I could look into their eyeballs and play tennis.

23. I do the 'New York Times' crossword puzzle every morning to keep the old grey matter ticking.

24. I am not a joke-teller. Stand-up, I couldn't do.

25. It all happened the way it was supposed to. I wouldn't change anything. I had such a great run.

26. I don't watch sitcoms. I really don't. My problem with them is they take so long to film them that there's no spontaneity. I want to see that.

27. I love 'Modern Family.' And I love 'Glee' - the singing, the music - Jane Lynch just kills me.

28. there were times when I was more at home in front of millions of people than I was at home.

29. Jimmy Stewart and Lucille Ball were so unique.

30. I always had a weak chin because we couldn't afford to correct my bite, which could have been corrected with braces. So the chin was always weak. And I always was - kind of hated my profile. And I thought wouldn't it be nice someday to feel the rain on your chin without having to look up.

31. I don't eat much meat, fish, or poultry.

32. I've always been able to recount things, and I have a really good memory about dialog and what people have said before and this and that.

33. The first time someone said, 'What are your measurements?' I answered, '37, 24, 38 - but not necessarily in that order.'

34. Originally, I came from Texas, and we lived on - I guess you'd call it welfare, what we called relief.

35. We don't stop going to school when we graduate.

36. I was once asked to do my Tarzan yell at Bergdorf Goodman, and a guard burst in with a gun! Now I only do it under controlled circumstances.