The Rules of Life:

I now realize that the small hills you see on ski slopes are formed around the bodies of forty-seven-year-olds who tried to learn snowboarding.

We Americans live in a nation where the medical-care system is second to none in the world, unless you count maybe 25 or 30 little scuzzball countries like Sco…

Don't you wish you had a job like mine? All you have to do is think up a certain number of words! Plus, you can repeat words! And they don't even have to be tr…

Life is a game, the first rule of which is that IT IS NOT A GAME.

I have gotten so many tickets. I hope I don't get my license revoked.

If you obey all the rules you miss all the fun.