I have a terrible problem with procrastination... a friend told me, 'Well, you should go to therapy. And I thought about it, but then I said, 'Wait a minute. Why should I pay a stranger to listen to me talk when I can get strangers to pay to listen to me talk?' And that's when I got the idea of touring.

Now we have hands-free phones, so you can focus on the thing you're really supposed to be doing ... chances are, if you need both of your hands to do something…

With all of our differences, we [members of the audience] all have one thing in common, we're all gay. Now there are people out there [in audience] going 'Do t…

Yes, we're lazy. Yet we also can't seem to sit still. So we've started making things like GO-GURT. That's yogurt for people on the go. Let me ask you, was ther…

I hope some historian will confirm that I was the first cartoonist to use the word 'booger' in a newspaper comic strip.

The name was a fluke. A joke. It started when I was doing A Christmas Carol in San Diego. We'd sit backstage and talk about names we'd never give our children,…

[My lifetime contract] has options through the year 2020, or until the last Rocky movie is made.