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Care and responsibility are constituent elements of love, but without respect for and knowledge of the beloved person, love deteriorates into domination and possessiveness. Respect is not fear and awe; it denotes, in accordance with the root of the word (respicere = to look at), the ability to see a person as he is, to be aware of his individuality and uniqueness. To respect a person is not possible without knowing him; care and responsibilty would be blind if they were not guided by the knowledge of the person's individuality.

Erich Fromm#17

LovePsychologyRelationshipsIndividualityKnowledgeRespect

About this quote

What does it mean?
Love requires care and responsibility, but without respect and knowledge of the other person, it becomes controlling. Respect means seeing someone as they truly are, which requires knowing them.
In plain terms
Real love needs care, responsibility, and respect based on knowing the person, otherwise it turns into control.
What can you take from it?
Know and respect the person you love to avoid dominating them.

Where it applies

  • romantic relationships
  • parenting
  • friendship

Putting it to work

  • practice active listening
  • study partner's needs
  • avoid possessiveness

Questions to consider

  • How do you show respect in your relationships?
  • Is your love based on knowing the other person?

Another view

Respect can be difficult when emotions run high or knowledge is incomplete.

More from Erich Fromm

  1. Temperament refers to the mode of reaction and is constitutional and not changeable; character is essentially formed by a person's experiences, especially of t…

    Permalink to quote #16
  2. Man's main task in life is to give birth to himself, to become what he potentially is. The most important product of his effort is his own personality.

    Permalink to quote #18
  3. The quest for certainty blocks the search for meaning. Uncertainty is the very condition to impel man to unfold his powers.

    Permalink to quote #15

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