More from George Carlin

  1. There's no present. There's only the immediate future and the recent past.
  2. Who decides when the applause should die down? It seems like it's a group decision; everyone begins to say to themselves at the same time, …
  3. Pacifism is a nice idea, but it can get you killed. We're not there yet. Evolution is slow, small pox is fast.
  4. When someone is impatient and says, 'I haven't got all day,' I always wonder, how can that be? How can you not have all day?
  5. You know what's interesting about assassination? Well, not only does it change those popularity polls in a big fucking hurry, but it's also…
  6. I feel sorry for confetti. Its useful life lasts about two seconds. And it can never be used again.
  7. Standing ovations have become far too commonplace. What we need are ovations where the audience members all punch and kick one another.
  8. I go to bed early; my favorite dream comes on at nine.

All George Carlin quotes