We mustn't complain too much of being comedians-it's an honourable profession. If only we could be good ones the world might gain at least a sense of style. We have failed-that's all. We are bad comedians, we aren't bad men.

I have often noticed that a bribe...has that effect - it changes a relation. The man who offers a bribe gives away a little of his own importance; the bribe on…

Communism, my friend, is more than Marxism, just as Catholicism ... is more than the Roman Curia. There is a mystique as well as a politique....Catholics and c…

However great a man's fear of life, suicide remains the courageous act, the clear-headed act of a mathematician. The suicide has judged by the laws of chance-s…

I went to the University of Life and was chucked out.

I come from Des Moines. Somebody had to.

I'm only waiting for my wife to grow up.