There are two things I found when I did the Merv Griffin show, the two things I said that got them really crazy, was that I didn't believe in god, and that I really believe there are some people who are better than others.

The two most common elements in the universe are hydrogen... and stupidity.

When they say, 'Gee, it's an information explosion!' - no, it's not an explosion, it's a disgorgement of the bowels is what it is. Every idiotic thing that any…

The real story of our times is seldom told in the horse-puckey-filled memoirs of dopey, self-serving presidents or generals, but in the outrageous, demented li…