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[He] didn't know what to say. He didn't even know the name for what he was feeling. 'I think that I don't know you.' she looked at him, a little perplexed. 'No that's wrong. I think that I didn't know you before, even though I thought I knew you, and know that I finally know you, I don't really know you at all.'

Orson Scott Card#335

RelationshipsHuman natureKnowledgePerceptionUnderstandingIntimacyUncertainty

About this quote

What does it mean?
The speaker realizes that true understanding of another person may never be fully achieved, even after years of familiarity. There is a gap between perceived knowledge and actual intimate knowledge.
In plain terms
I thought I knew you, but now I realize I really don't know you at all.
What can you take from it?
True intimacy requires acknowledging we may never fully know another person.

Where it applies

  • confronting a partner
  • deep conversation
  • realization moment

Putting it to work

  • ask deeper questions
  • accept uncertainty
  • re-evaluate assumptions

Questions to consider

  • How well do you really know those closest to you?
  • Does complete knowledge matter in a relationship?

Another view

This perspective might lead to unnecessary distance if taken too far.

More from Orson Scott Card

  1. No place is comfortable, when you are waiting for someone else to do a job you think of as your own.

    Permalink to quote #334
  2. I was forgetting how it really was, I was remembering it through common, ordinary eyes, I was remembering it as the boy I was before, but now I remember that i…

    Permalink to quote #336
  3. You think my apology means I'm weak. But it doesn't. It means I am trying to learn how to be strong.

    Permalink to quote #333

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