Never support two weaknesses at the same time. It's your combination sinners - your lecherous liars and your miserly drunkards - who dishonor the vices and bring them into bad repute.

Marriage is a bribe to make a housekeeper think she's a householder.

Nurse one vice in your bosom. Give it the attention it deserves and let your virtues spring up modestly around it. Then you'll have the miser who's no liar; an…

My advice to you is not to inquire why or whither, but just enjoy your ice cream while it's on your plate - that's my philosophy.