[after jumping into the grizzly bear pit at the San Diego Zoo] I immediately regret this decision.

Boy, that escalated quickly... I mean, that really got out of hand fast.

I'm a man who discovered the wheel and built the Eiffel Tower out of metal and brawn. That's what kind of man I am. You're just a woman with a small brain. Wit…

[clears throat] Well, I could be wrong, but I believe, uh, diversity is an old, old wooden ship that was used during the Civil War era.

The funny thing about our act is that dad gets the worst of it, although I'm the one who apparently receives the bruises . . . the secret is in landing limp an…

I said, 'how am I gonna keep from flinching?' He said, 'Look away from me. When I say turn, it'll be there.' He put my head where my feet were!

I hung up. It was a step in the right direction, but it didn't go far enough. I ought to have locked the door and hid under the desk.