I got to the bank and told them that I had lost my bank card. They told me they had seven accounts with people named Alice Cooper and didn't know which was mine. I told them, 'Mine's the one under MR. Alice Cooper'.

How old are you? Sixteen? S-seventeen? [asks security guard] Is seventeen legal?

I've got a Peter Pan complex with a Captain Hook personality.

Drinking beer is easy. Trashing your hotel room is easy. But being a Christian, that's a tough call. That's rebellion.

I'm just an old slag who gets up every morning, scratches his head and wonders what he wants to fuck.

'Listen John-' 'Who's John?' 'You're John.' 'I'm John?' 'Yeah, I changed your name.'

'Much of the confusion of life is stilled when you realize that your are your father.'