Quote #37

Freemason, n. An order with secret rites, grotesque ceremonies and fantastic costumes, which, originating in the reign of Charles II, among working artisans of London, has been joined successively by the dead of past centuries in unbroken retrogression until now it embraces all the generations of man on the hither side of Adam and is drumming up distinguished recruits among the pre-Creational inhabitants of Chaos and Formless Void. The order was founded at different times by Charlemagne, Julius Caesar, Cyrus, Solomon, Zoroaster, Confucious, Thothmes, and Buddha.

More from Ambrose Bierce

  1. Freebooter, n. A conqueror in a small way of business, whose annexations lack of the sanctifying merit of magnitude.
  2. Friendless, adj. Having no favors to bestow. Destitute of fortune. Addicted to utterance of truth and common sense.
  3. Faith, n. Belief without evidence in what is told by one who speaks without knowledge, of things without parallel.
  4. Generous, adj. Originally this word meant noble by birth and was rightly applied to a great multitude of persons. It now means noble by nat…
  5. Erudition, n. Dust shaken out of a book into an empty skull.
  6. Genealogy, n. An account of one's descent from an ancestor who did not particularly care to trace his own.
  7. Electricity, n. The cause of all natural phenomena not known to be caused by something else. It is the same thing as lightning, and its fam…
  8. Happiness, n. An agreeable sensation arising from contemplating the misery of another.

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