I have not had an affair with Petronella. It is complete balderdash. It is an inverted pyramid of piffle. It is all completely untrue and ludicrous conjecture. I am amazed people can write this drivel.

I didn't see it, but it sounds barbaric. It's become like cock-fighting: poor dumb brutes being set upon each other by conniving television producers.

I advise you all very strongly - go for a run, get some exercise, and have a beautiful day.

My chances of being PM are about as good as the chances of finding Elvis on Mars, or my being reincarnated as an olive.