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Being in love is a good thing, but it is not the best thing. There are many things below it, but there are also things above it. You cannot make it the basis of a whole life. It is a noble feeling, but it is still a feeling... Knowledge can last, principles can last, habits can last; but feelings come and go... But, of course, ceasing to be 'in love' need not mean ceasing to love. Love in this second sense - love as distinct from 'being in love' - is not merely a feeling. It is a deep unity, maintained by the will and deliberately strengthened by habit; reinforced by (in Christian marriage) the grace which both partners ask, and receive, from God... 'Being in love' first moved them to promise fidelity: this quieter love enables them to keep the promise. It is on this love that the engine of marriage is run: being in love was the explosion that started it.

C. S. Lewis#73

LoveMarriageRelationshipsCommitmentFeelings

About this quote

What does it mean?
Lewis distinguishes the fleeting feeling of being in love from the enduring commitment of love as a willful habit.
In plain terms
Being in love is a feeling that fades, but real love is a choice that stays.
What can you take from it?
Lasting relationships depend on commitment, not just feelings.

Where it applies

  • marriage counseling
  • relationship advice
  • personal reflection

Putting it to work

  • cultivate habits of love
  • don't rely on feelings

Questions to consider

  • What is your view of love?
  • Do feelings sustain commitment?

Another view

This idealizes willpower and underestimates emotional needs.

More from C. S. Lewis

  1. God made us: invented us as a man invents an engine. A car is made to run on petrol, and it would not run properly on anything else. Now God designed the human…

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  2. If I find in myself a desire which no experience in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that I was made for another world.

    Permalink to quote #74
  3. I am trying here to prevent anyone saying the really foolish thing that people often say about Him: 'I'm ready to accept Jesus as a great moral teacher, but I …

    Permalink to quote #71

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