Being in love is a good thing, but it is not the best thing. There are many things below it, but there are also things above it. You cannot make it the basis of a whole life. It is a noble feeling, but it is still a feeling... Knowledge can last, principles can last, habits can last; but feelings come and go... But, of course, ceasing to be 'in love' need not mean ceasing to love. Love in this second sense - love as distinct from 'being in love' - is not merely a feeling. It is a deep unity, maintained by the will and deliberately strengthened by habit; reinforced by (in Christian marriage) the grace which both partners ask, and receive, from God... 'Being in love' first moved them to promise fidelity: this quieter love enables them to keep the promise. It is on this love that the engine of marriage is run: being in love was the explosion that started it.
About this quote
- What does it mean?
- Lewis distinguishes the fleeting feeling of being in love from the enduring commitment of love as a willful habit.
- In plain terms
- Being in love is a feeling that fades, but real love is a choice that stays.
- What can you take from it?
- Lasting relationships depend on commitment, not just feelings.
Where it applies
Putting it to work
Questions to consider
- What is your view of love?
- Do feelings sustain commitment?
Another view
This idealizes willpower and underestimates emotional needs.
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