Whether I shall turn out to be the hero of my own life, or whether that station will be held by anybody else, these pages must show.

:vices are sometimes only virtues carried to excess!

If you could see my legs when I take my boots off, you'd form some idea of what unrequited affection is.

'Never,' said my aunt, 'be mean in anything; never be false; never be cruel. Avoid those three vices, Trot, and I can always be hopeful of you.'

Insanity - to have to construct a picture of one's life, by making inquiries of others.

I wish, when I was born, the first thing I said was 'Quote' so the last thing I said before I died would be 'Unquote.'

I come from Des Moines. Somebody had to.