Quote #98

I wish, when I was born, the first thing I said was 'Quote' so the last thing I said before I died would be 'Unquote.'

More from Steven Wright

  1. I went to this restaurant last night that was set up like a big buffet in the shape of an Ouija board. You'd think about what kind of food …
  2. I woke up one day and everything in the apartment had been stolen and replaced with an exact replica. I said to my roommate 'Can you believ…
  3. I went to the museum where they had all the heads and arms from the statues that are in all the other museums.
  4. I worked as a parking attendant at Logan Airport, I parked jets. They had to let me go though because I kept locking the keys in them. One …
  5. I went to court for a parking ticket. I pleaded insanity. I said, 'Your honor, why would anyone in their right mind park in the passing lan…
  6. I worked in a health food store once. A guy came in and asked me, 'If I melt dry ice, can I take a bath without getting wet?'
  7. I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time.' So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.
  8. I wrote a few children's books...not on purpose.

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