I went to this restaurant last night that was set up like a big buffet in the shape of an Ouija board. You'd think about what kind of food you want, and the table would move across the floor to it.

I went to the museum where they had all the heads and arms from the statues that are in all the other museums.

I wish, when I was born, the first thing I said was 'Quote' so the last thing I said before I died would be 'Unquote.'

I went to court for a parking ticket. I pleaded insanity. I said, 'Your honor, why would anyone in their right mind park in the passing lane?'

Differential equations won't help you much in the design of aeroplanes - not yet, anyhow.

'I want the program to be very open and develop in style as time goes on. But I am also interested in the positive aspects of Asian family life and other Asian…

I was gonna get a candy bar; the button I was supposed to push was 'HH', so I went to the side, I found the 'H' button, I pushed it twice. Fuckin'...potato chi…