Steven Wright Quotes on Life
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'Did you sleep good?' 'No, I made a couple of mistakes.'
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I broke my arm trying to fold a bed. It wasn't the kind that folds.
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I tried to hang myself with bungee cord. I kept almost dying.
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I wish, when I was born, the first thing I said was 'Quote' so the last thing I said before I died would be 'Unquote.'
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They say we're 98% water. We're that close to drowning...[picks up his glass of water from the stool]...I like to live on the edge...
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Two babies were born on the same day at the same hospital. They lay there and looked at each other. Their families came and took them away. Eighty years later, by a bizarre coincidence, they lay in the same hospital, on their deathbeds, next to each other. One of them looked at the other and said, 'So. What did you think?'
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You know that feeling when you're leaning back in a chair, and then you lean back too far and start to fall and just at the last second you catch yourself? I feel like that all the time.
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I intend to live forever. So far, so good.
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When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.