Steven Wright Quotes on Objects
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(a few minutes later) I bought one of those little glass ball things with the snow in it... Just checking.
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I broke my arm trying to fold a bed. It wasn't the kind that folds.
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I have a decaffeinated coffee table. You'd never know it to look at it.
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I just lost a buttonhole. [while looking at stage floor]
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I plugged my phone in where the blender used to be. I called someone. They went 'Aaaaahhhh...'
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Tinsel is really snake mirrors.
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I bought some used paint. It was in the shape of a house.