More from Steven Wright

  1. This isn't all true.
  2. Today I dialed a wrong number... The other person said, 'Hello?' and I said, 'Hello, could I speak to Joey?'... They said, 'Uh... I don't t…
  3. They say we're 98% water. We're that close to drowning...[picks up his glass of water from the stool]...I like to live on the edge...
  4. Today I met with a subliminal advertising executive for just a second.
  5. There's a pizza place near where I live that sells only slices. In the back you can see a guy tossing a triangle in the air.
  6. Two babies were born on the same day at the same hospital. They lay there and looked at each other. Their families came and took them away.…
  7. There's a fine line between fishing and standing on the shore looking like an idiot.
  8. When I get real bored, I like to drive downtown and get a great parking spot, then sit in my car and count how many people ask me if I'm le…

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