More from Steven Wright

  1. They say we're 98% water. We're that close to drowning...[picks up his glass of water from the stool]...I like to live on the edge...
  2. Tinsel is really snake mirrors.
  3. There's a pizza place near where I live that sells only slices. In the back you can see a guy tossing a triangle in the air.
  4. Today I dialed a wrong number... The other person said, 'Hello?' and I said, 'Hello, could I speak to Joey?'... They said, 'Uh... I don't t…
  5. There's a fine line between fishing and standing on the shore looking like an idiot.
  6. Today I met with a subliminal advertising executive for just a second.
  7. There was a power outage at a department store yesterday. Twenty people were trapped on the escalators.
  8. Two babies were born on the same day at the same hospital. They lay there and looked at each other. Their families came and took them away.…

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