8 Steven Wright Quotes on Communication

Steven Wright quotes on communication

32. I don't like the sound of my phone ringing so I put my phone inside my fish tank. I can't hear it, but every time I get a call I see the fish go like this <<<>>><<>><<<<. I go down to the pet store -- 'Gimme another ten guppies, I got a lotta calls yesterday.'

44. I have an answering machine in my car. It says, 'I'm home now. But leave a message and I'll call when I'm out.'

92. I went to a garage sale. 'How much for the garage?' 'It's not for sale.'

120. My friend has a baby. I'm writing down all the noises he makes so later I can ask him what he meant.

130. One time a cop pulled me over for running a stop sign. He said, 'Didn't you see the stop sign?' I said, 'Yeah, but I don't believe everything I read.'

147. Today I dialed a wrong number... The other person said, 'Hello?' and I said, 'Hello, could I speak to Joey?'... They said, 'Uh... I don't think so...he's only 2 months old.' I said, 'I'll wait.'

161. (In his usual dry, monotone voice) 'Thanks.'

171. If sometimes you can't hear me, it's because I'm in parentheses.