9 Steven Wright Quotes on Safety

Steven Wright quotes on safety

7. About a year ago, my girlfriend was on the pill, wearing a diaphragm, and an IUD all at once. Recently, she had a baby; baby was born wearing armor.

47. I hooked up my accelerator pedal in my car to my brake lights. I hit the gas, people behind me stop, and I'm gone.

74. I tried to hang myself with bungee cord. I kept almost dying.

75. I used to work at a factory where they made hydrants; but you couldn't park anywhere near the place.

100. I worked as a parking attendant at Logan Airport, I parked jets. They had to let me go though because I kept locking the keys in them. One day I was on an 86 foot stepladder trying to get in the window with a coat hanger.

138. The other day, I was walking my dog around my building...on the ledge.

141. There was a power outage at a department store yesterday. Twenty people were trapped on the escalators.

182. Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

194. My mechanic told me, 'I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.'