Quote #74

I tried to hang myself with bungee cord. I kept almost dying.

More from Steven Wright

  1. I stayed up all night playing poker with Tarot cards. I got a full house and seven people died.
  2. I used to work at a factory where they made hydrants; but you couldn't park anywhere near the place.
  3. I spilled spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone.
  4. I want to get a full body tattoo of myself, only bigger.
  5. I saw a small bottle of cologne and asked if it was for sale. She said, 'It's free with purchase.' I asked her if anyone bought anything to…
  6. I was arrested for lip-syncing karaoke.
  7. I saw a sign: 'Rest Area 25 Miles'. That's pretty big. Some people must be really tired.
  8. I was arrested for selling illegal-sized paper.

All Steven Wright quotes