I used to work at a factory where they made hydrants; but you couldn't park anywhere near the place.

I tried to hang myself with bungee cord. I kept almost dying.

I want to get a full body tattoo of myself, only bigger.

I stayed up all night playing poker with Tarot cards. I got a full house and seven people died.

I'm a little hoarse tonight. I've been living in Chicago for the past two months, and you know how it is, yelling for help on the way home every night. Things …

The good thing about reinventing the wheel is that you can get a round one.

Such a proud moment of professionalism. You work for years crafting cogent satirical essays and the thing that everybody remembers is me making love to a Chiqu…