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Steven Wright
Quote #76
I want to get a full body tattoo of myself, only bigger.
More from Steven Wright
I used to work at a factory where they made hydrants; but you couldn't park anywhere near the place.
I was arrested for lip-syncing karaoke.
I tried to hang myself with bungee cord. I kept almost dying.
I was arrested for selling illegal-sized paper.
I stayed up all night playing poker with Tarot cards. I got a full house and seven people died.
I was born by Caesarean section, but you really can't tell... except that when I leave my house, I always go out the window...
I spilled spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone.
I was cleaning out my closet and I found this old bathing suit I'd made out of sponges. I remember when I wore it to the pool. Then I left,…
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