I worked as a parking attendant at Logan Airport, I parked jets. They had to let me go though because I kept locking the keys in them. One day I was on an 86 foot stepladder trying to get in the window with a coat hanger.

I woke up one day and everything in the apartment had been stolen and replaced with an exact replica. I said to my roommate 'Can you believe this? Everything i…

I worked in a health food store once. A guy came in and asked me, 'If I melt dry ice, can I take a bath without getting wet?'

I wish, when I was born, the first thing I said was 'Quote' so the last thing I said before I died would be 'Unquote.'

'Today a young man on acid, thought he could fly, jumped off a building, what a tragedy.' What a dick! If he thought he could fly, why didn't he take off from …

Have you ever tried to split sawdust?

I cannot get from the nature of the proposition to the individual logical operations!!! That is, I cannot bring out how far the proposition is the picture of t…