I hooked up my accelerator pedal in my car to my brake lights. I hit the gas, people behind me stop, and I'm gone.

I have two very rare photographs. One is a picture of Houdini locking his keys in his car. The other is a rare photograph of Norman Rockwell beating up a child.

I installed a skylight in my apartment. The people who live above me are furious!

I have the oldest typewriter in the world. It types in pencil.

Honk if your horn is broken.

I'm opposed to any sport that reduces the coefficient of friction between me and the ground.

Don't go to parties with metal detectors. Sure, it feels safe inside. But what about all those niggers waiting outside with guns? They know you ain't got one.