Quote #47

I hooked up my accelerator pedal in my car to my brake lights. I hit the gas, people behind me stop, and I'm gone.

More from Steven Wright

  1. I have two very rare photographs. One is a picture of Houdini locking his keys in his car. The other is a rare photograph of Norman Rockwel…
  2. I installed a skylight in my apartment. The people who live above me are furious!
  3. I have the oldest typewriter in the world. It types in pencil.
  4. I invented the cordless extension cord.
  5. I have an answering machine in my car. It says, 'I'm home now. But leave a message and I'll call when I'm out.'
  6. I just lost a buttonhole. [while looking at stage floor]
  7. I have a decaffeinated coffee table. You'd never know it to look at it.
  8. I know a man who is a midget dwarf, he's this tall. [holding his thumb and forefinger three inches apart] He poses for trophies.

All Steven Wright quotes