Steven Wright Quotes on Driving
-
A cop stopped me for speeding. He said, 'Why were you going so fast?' I said, 'See this thing my foot is on? It's called an accelerator. When you push down on it, it sends more gas to the engine. The whole car just takes right off. And see this thing? This steers it.'
-
I had to stop driving my car for a while. The tires got dizzy.
-
I hooked up my accelerator pedal in my car to my brake lights. I hit the gas, people behind me stop, and I'm gone.
-
I saw a sign: 'Rest Area 25 Miles'. That's pretty big. Some people must be really tired.
-
The other night I came home late, and tried to unlock my apartment door with my car keys. So the building started up... So, I drove it around for a while. I guess I was speeding, and a cop pulled me over. He asked me where I lived. I said, 'right here, officer.' Later, I parked it on the freeway, got out, and yelled at all the cars, 'Get out of my driveway!'
-
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.