10 Steven Wright Quotes on Steven wright

Steven Wright quotes on steven wright

5. A friend of mine once sent me a post card with a picture of the entire planet Earth taken from space. On the back it said, 'Wish you were here.'

25. (a few minutes later) I bought one of those little glass ball things with the snow in it... Just checking.

34. I got a new shadow. I had to get rid of the other one-it wasn't doing what I was doing.

85. I was once arrested for walking in someone else's sleep.

94. I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time.' So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.

124. My house is on the median strip of a highway. You don't really notice, except I have to leave the driveway doing 60 MPH.

153. When I was a little kid we had a sand box. It was a quicksand box. I was an only child... eventually.

160. You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.

161. (In his usual dry, monotone voice) 'Thanks.'

194. My mechanic told me, 'I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.'