Steven Wright Quotes on Steven wright
-
A friend of mine once sent me a post card with a picture of the entire planet Earth taken from space. On the back it said, 'Wish you were here.'
-
(a few minutes later) I bought one of those little glass ball things with the snow in it... Just checking.
-
I got a new shadow. I had to get rid of the other one-it wasn't doing what I was doing.
-
I was once arrested for walking in someone else's sleep.
-
I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time.' So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.
-
My house is on the median strip of a highway. You don't really notice, except I have to leave the driveway doing 60 MPH.
-
When I was a little kid we had a sand box. It was a quicksand box. I was an only child... eventually.
-
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
-
(In his usual dry, monotone voice) 'Thanks.'
-
My mechanic told me, 'I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.'