When I was a little kid we had a sand box. It was a quicksand box. I was an only child... eventually.

When I was a fetus, I used to sneak out at night when my mother was sleeping. I figured I should start stealing stuff while I still had no fingerprints.

When I was crossing the border into Canada, they asked if I had any firearms with me. I said, 'Well, what do you need?'

When I turned two I was really anxious, because I'd doubled my age in a year. I thought, if this keeps up, by the time I'm six I'll be ninety.

Matthew Leiah Keller sat beneath a watershed tree and brooded. Other children played all around him, but they ignored Matt. So did two teachers on monitor duty…

When I was a kid, I asked my Mother for a Bubble Bath, so she brought the water to a boil!

Many people found our house spooky, and the attic in fact as full of evil when I was born. It housed a collection of more than three hundred antique and modern…