When I was crossing the border into Canada, they asked if I had any firearms with me. I said, 'Well, what do you need?'

When I was a little kid we had a sand box. It was a quicksand box. I was an only child... eventually.

When I was in school the teachers told me practice makes perfect; then they told me nobody's perfect so I stopped practicing.

When I was a fetus, I used to sneak out at night when my mother was sleeping. I figured I should start stealing stuff while I still had no fingerprints.

So why is it they allow a guy with big, powerful hands to get on board an airplane? I'll tell you why: they know he's not a security risk, because he's already…

I had also got used to the idea that here [in the UK] you can make quips all the time and in America that can be very dangerous. I wrote about it in one of the…

I got used to dealing with groups of boys and getting on with life in unpleasant circumstances and being smart and funny and subversive at the expense of autho…