Quote #155
When I was in school the teachers told me practice makes perfect; then they told me nobody's perfect so I stopped practicing.
More from Steven Wright
- When I was crossing the border into Canada, they asked if I had any firearms with me. I said, 'Well, what do you need?'
- Winnie and I lived in a house that ran on static electricity...If you wanted to run the blender, you had to rub balloons on your head. If y…
- When I was a little kid we had a sand box. It was a quicksand box. I was an only child... eventually.
- Yesterday I parked my car in a tow-away zone...when I came back the entire area was missing.
- When I was a fetus, I used to sneak out at night when my mother was sleeping. I figured I should start stealing stuff while I still had no …
- You know how it is when you're walking up the stairs, and you get to the top, and you think there's one more step? I'm like that all the ti…
- When I turned two I was really anxious, because I'd doubled my age in a year. I thought, if this keeps up, by the time I'm six I'll be nine…
- You know that feeling when you're leaning back in a chair, and then you lean back too far and start to fall and just at the last second you…