5 Steven Wright Quotes on Authority

Steven Wright quotes on authority

3. A cop stopped me for speeding. He said, 'Why were you going so fast?' I said, 'See this thing my foot is on? It's called an accelerator. When you push down on it, it sends more gas to the engine. The whole car just takes right off. And see this thing? This steers it.'

36. I got my driver's license photo taken out of focus on purpose. Now when I get pulled over the cop looks at it (moving it nearer and farther, trying to see it clearly)...and says, 'Here, you can go.'

85. I was once arrested for walking in someone else's sleep.

139. The other night I came home late, and tried to unlock my apartment door with my car keys. So the building started up... So, I drove it around for a while. I guess I was speeding, and a cop pulled me over. He asked me where I lived. I said, 'right here, officer.' Later, I parked it on the freeway, got out, and yelled at all the cars, 'Get out of my driveway!'

154. When I was crossing the border into Canada, they asked if I had any firearms with me. I said, 'Well, what do you need?'