Quote #85

I was once arrested for walking in someone else's sleep.

More from Steven Wright

  1. I was in the first submarine. Instead of a periscope, they had a kaleidoscope. 'We're surrounded.'
  2. I was reading the dictionary; I thought it was a poem about everything.
  3. I was in a job interview and I opened a book and started reading. Then I said to the guy, 'Let me ask you a question. If you are in a car t…
  4. I was sad because I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet. So I said, 'Got any shoes you're not using?'
  5. I was going to tape some records onto a cassette, but I got the wires backwards. I erased all of the records. When I returned them to my fr…
  6. I was trying to daydream, but my mind kept wandering.
  7. I was going 70 miles an hour and got stopped by a cop who said, 'Do you know the speed limit is 55 miles per hour?' 'Yes, officer, but I wa…
  8. I watched the Indy 500, and I was thinking that if they left earlier they wouldn't have to go so fast.

All Steven Wright quotes