Steven Wright Quotes on Identity
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Do you think when they asked George Washington for his ID, he just pulled out a quarter?
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I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe.
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I got a new shadow. I had to get rid of the other one-it wasn't doing what I was doing.
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I wish, when I was born, the first thing I said was 'Quote' so the last thing I said before I died would be 'Unquote.'
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I woke up one day and everything in the apartment had been stolen and replaced with an exact replica. I said to my roommate 'Can you believe this? Everything in the apartment has been stolen and replaced with an exact replica.' He said, 'Do I know you?'
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I wrote a song, but I can't read music so I don't know what it is. Every once in a while I'll be listening to the radio and I say, 'I think I might have written that.'
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I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography. When it's finished I'm going to sue myself.