17 Steven Wright Quotes on Irony

Steven Wright quotes on irony

2. 'So, do you live around here often?'

5. A friend of mine once sent me a post card with a picture of the entire planet Earth taken from space. On the back it said, 'Wish you were here.'

8. After they make styrofoam, what do they ship it in?

13. Cross country skiing is great if you live in a small country.

49. I invented the cordless extension cord.

54. I like to reminisce with people I don't know.

69. I saw a man with a wooden leg, and a real foot.

87. I was sad because I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet. So I said, 'Got any shoes you're not using?'

93. I went to a general store, but they wouldn't let me buy anything specific.

117. Many people quit looking for work when they find a job.

122. My grandfather gave me a watch. It doesn't have any hands or numbers. He says it's very accurate. I asked him what time it was. You can guess what he told me.

125. My uncle was a clown for Ringling Bros. Circus, and when he died, all his friends came in one car.

126. Next week I'm going to have an MRI to find out if I have claustrophobia.

134. The ice cream truck in my neighborhood plays Helter Skelter.

163. If you're going to shoot a mime, do you use a silencer?

165. Sally plays strip-poker. Every time she loses she has to put on a piece of clothing.

178. All those who believe in psychokinesis, raise my hand.