I was sad because I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet. So I said, 'Got any shoes you're not using?'

I was reading the dictionary; I thought it was a poem about everything.

I was trying to daydream, but my mind kept wandering.

I was once arrested for walking in someone else's sleep.

'If at all God's gaze falls upon us all it's with a mischievous grin, look at him'

My brother called and said that we owed the bank four and one half million dollars. And I began to laugh. And he said, 'What are you laughin' at?' And I said, …

This is The Tonight Show. I can't tell you too much about it, other than the fact that this program is going to go on forever.