Steven Wright Quotes on Social
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'So, do you live around here often?'
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I installed a skylight in my apartment. The people who live above me are furious!
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I like to reminisce with people I don't know.
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I met this wonderful girl at Macy's. She was buying clothes and I was putting Slinkies on the escalator.
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I saw a friend recently. He asked why I hadn't called him. I told him I can't call everyone I want because my new phone has no 5 on it. He asked me how long I had had the phone, but I couldn't tell him because my calendar has no sevens on it.
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I was cleaning out my closet and I found this old bathing suit I'd made out of sponges. I remember when I wore it to the pool. Then I left, and no one could go swimming until I came back.
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There's a fine line between fishing and standing on the shore looking like an idiot.
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When I get real bored, I like to drive downtown and get a great parking spot, then sit in my car and count how many people ask me if I'm leaving.
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Sally plays strip-poker. Every time she loses she has to put on a piece of clothing.