9 Steven Wright Quotes on Social

Steven Wright quotes on social

2. 'So, do you live around here often?'

48. I installed a skylight in my apartment. The people who live above me are furious!

54. I like to reminisce with people I don't know.

57. I met this wonderful girl at Macy's. She was buying clothes and I was putting Slinkies on the escalator.

68. I saw a friend recently. He asked why I hadn't called him. I told him I can't call everyone I want because my new phone has no 5 on it. He asked me how long I had had the phone, but I couldn't tell him because my calendar has no sevens on it.

80. I was cleaning out my closet and I found this old bathing suit I'd made out of sponges. I remember when I wore it to the pool. Then I left, and no one could go swimming until I came back.

142. There's a fine line between fishing and standing on the shore looking like an idiot.

150. When I get real bored, I like to drive downtown and get a great parking spot, then sit in my car and count how many people ask me if I'm leaving.

165. Sally plays strip-poker. Every time she loses she has to put on a piece of clothing.