Quote #68

I saw a friend recently. He asked why I hadn't called him. I told him I can't call everyone I want because my new phone has no 5 on it. He asked me how long I had had the phone, but I couldn't tell him because my calendar has no sevens on it.

More from Steven Wright

  1. I saw a bank that said '24 Hour Banking', but I don't have that much time.
  2. I saw a man with a wooden leg, and a real foot.
  3. I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm the only one moving.
  4. I saw a sign: 'Rest Area 25 Miles'. That's pretty big. Some people must be really tired.
  5. I recently got a new camera. It's so advanced, you don't even need it.
  6. I saw a small bottle of cologne and asked if it was for sale. She said, 'It's free with purchase.' I asked her if anyone bought anything to…
  7. I put my air conditioner in backwards. It got cold outside. The weatherman on TV was confused. 'It was supposed to be hot today.'
  8. I spilled spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone.

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