Quote #80
I was cleaning out my closet and I found this old bathing suit I'd made out of sponges. I remember when I wore it to the pool. Then I left, and no one could go swimming until I came back.
More from Steven Wright
- I was born by Caesarean section, but you really can't tell... except that when I leave my house, I always go out the window...
- I was going 70 miles an hour and got stopped by a cop who said, 'Do you know the speed limit is 55 miles per hour?' 'Yes, officer, but I wa…
- I was arrested for selling illegal-sized paper.
- I was going to tape some records onto a cassette, but I got the wires backwards. I erased all of the records. When I returned them to my fr…
- I was arrested for lip-syncing karaoke.
- I was in a job interview and I opened a book and started reading. Then I said to the guy, 'Let me ask you a question. If you are in a car t…
- I want to get a full body tattoo of myself, only bigger.
- I was in the first submarine. Instead of a periscope, they had a kaleidoscope. 'We're surrounded.'