Steven Wright Quotes on Family
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About a year ago, my girlfriend was on the pill, wearing a diaphragm, and an IUD all at once. Recently, she had a baby; baby was born wearing armor.
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I was born by Caesarean section, but you really can't tell... except that when I leave my house, I always go out the window...
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My father was never proud of me. One day he asked me, 'How old are you?' I said, 'I'm five.' He said, 'When I was your age, I was six.'
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My friend has a baby. I'm writing down all the noises he makes so later I can ask him what he meant.
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When I was a little kid we had a sand box. It was a quicksand box. I was an only child... eventually.