My friend has a baby. I'm writing down all the noises he makes so later I can ask him what he meant.

My father was never proud of me. One day he asked me, 'How old are you?' I said, 'I'm five.' He said, 'When I was your age, I was six.'

My girlfriend does her nails with white-out. When she's asleep, I go over there and write misspelled words on them.

I like my dental hygienist. I think she's very pretty. So when I'm waiting in her office I eat an entire bag of Oreo cookies. Sometimes she has to cancel all h…

There are only two things a child will share willingly- communicable diseases and his mother's age.

All my children have spoken for themselves since they first learned to speak, and not always with my advance approval, and I expect that to continue in the fut…

Every child senses, with all the horse sense that's in him, that any parent is angry inside when children misbehave and they dread more the anger that is rarel…